Jacob Romney has a girlfriend. Who woulda thought? It's been years since I had a real one. Oh, I've had many almosts and maybes, but a legitimate girlfriend? No, not for a long time. I got real sick first dates. I couldn't go on another. They cost money and they have to be one of just a few activities here in Provo. Not much to choose from. I suck at group dates because I don't talk when there's a loudmouth who has to command the attention of the entire group. I decided I had to find someone I already knew who I could date by skipping the first step. How did it happen? Well, it was exceedingly difficult. My girlfriend's name is Julie. She's about 5'2", 114 lbs, dark hair, light skin, beautiful, smart, fun, happy, and extremely shy and awkward when meeting new people. That last part is what made it difficult. She is my ex-girlfriend's ex-roommate. That was also a major complication. I met Julie and thought she was a cute girl. As I saw more of her I thought she'd be fun to date. But I couldn't because of the huge mess with her roommate.
Many of you know the story of Angela, so I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say, Julie saw me as Angela's ex and that was it. Finally Angela moved out and I asked Julie out way back in January. We had a fun time, but Julie wasn't in the least bit interested. Calls went unanswered. Texts were answered very briefly. I moved away at the end of February and gave up on Julie. Months later I came to Provo to visit and saw Julie online on facebook, so I invited myself to Julie's home. She told me no way. I said I was coming in a few minutes whether she liked it or not. I said I'd only be there for a few minutes. She caved and said to come in 15 minutes. The poor dear was sick and somehow I ended up staying for about ten hours.
I'd like to say we hit it off then and there, but that's not the case. I knew I was interested, but she still saw me only as Angela's ex boyfriend. Not as her friend and definitely not as a potential boyfriend. So I put a plan into action. I knew that first I had to get Julie to see me as her friend, so I never would mention Angela in front of her. If Julie brought her up I'd steer the conversation away from that dangerous topic. I started dropping by when I was in Provo and then more often when I moved back. She'd never invite me and she'd say no if I asked if she wanted to do something or if I could drop by. So I'd tell her I was dropping by and wouldn't give her any say in the matter. I'd try not to stay too long. I didn't want to become a nuisance.
This was a very delicate matter. I knew Julie's personality because I'd known her for a long time, so I knew she needed to be in a comfortable environment so she could be herself and start to feel comfortable around me. That meant always spending time with her in her apartment with her roommates. Familiar surroundings, friends, ahhh. She felt good and could act normal, so she started to feel comfortable around me. She finally started to see me as her friend, not someone's ex. Step 1 complete.
K, she saw me as a friend, but not a great friend and still not a prospect. I started working on getting her comfortable with me physically. Bit by bit. It had to be done carefully. If she knew I was interested everything was blown. So I'd just sit next to her. Not too close, but close enough. When I'd talk I'd sometimes just lightly touch her arm or leg. I learned this from a book where they talked about training horses. You get them accustomed to your touch little by little until you can finally put the bridle on them. Same basic principle. I turned it into a joke that the only way she could get me to leave was to give me a hug at the door. Stupid, but it was working. She wouldn't shy away after awhile and i could tell I was making headway. Step 2 complete.
Now I was stuck with something I didn't know how to do. I needed her to like me. Part of that was out of my control. Like my personality and mannerisms. Nothing to do about that. But I could do some things. She had to see me often and hear from me often. Not too often or she'd run away. Often enough that I was on her mind, but not often enough that I was always there. It was a delicate balance. I had to judge her reactions to things I'd say or do and then adjust my communication accordingly. Finally she started texting me first. She'd talk to me and it wasn't hard to get her to let me come over. It just took a slight suggestion. I could tell she really enjoyed our time together. Step 3 complete.
I did something next that I didn't mean to do, but it came up in conversation. I told her I was interested. I told her what I'd been doing. This could have destroyed everything. Luckily, she was interested at this point, so instead of being creepy it was cute and instead of being scared she was flattered. I could tell everything was ok when she invited me over for the first time. I started planning activities for us to do. They could be called dates, but I didn't call them that. A failed attempt to go to the hot springs resulted in my arrest, but luckily she was impressed with how I handled the situation and things were good. Finally, we cuddled and started spending time together every day. Step 4 complete. Mission accomplished. After ten or so months after I first took her out the girl was mine.
Oh, it took a little before it became "official" or whatever, but it was pretty much a done deal from that point on. So far she's met quite a few of my friends and family and I've met a bunch of her friends as well. It's been really good. Everyone seems to like her. So here's a few words of advice on how to deal with this:
1) Don't give me crap about spending too much time with her. She's my girlfriend. I like spending time with her so get off my back!
2) When you're with us, don't spend your time trying to make me look bad. It's not funny and it's really annoying.
3) Don't insult her. She's a sweet, wonderful girl. Be nice.
4) Marriage jokes are quite possibly the worst possible thing you can do. We've been dating a short time. Those jokes get ignored at best, can make things awkward normally, and at worst can cause a break-up. I can make those jokes and she can make them. No one else.
5) If marriage jokes are inappropriate then pushing me to get married is ridiculous. We've been dating a short time and I'm not thinking quite that far ahead. I'll get there when I'm good and ready. Don't suggest it to her and don't push me. Ever.
6) Be supportive. Your opinion won't change what I think of her, but it sure is easier on a relationship when you know your friends and family support what you're doing. People have openly disapproved of past girlfriends and it didn't do anybody any good.
7) If you've got an opinion about us and it's not good wait to tell me till she's gone. This seems obvious, but some people are dense.
8) Tell her good things about me when I'm not around. Can't hurt.
These were in no particular order. It's just the order I thought of them. Unfortunately, Julie is leaving for Pennsylvania on Tuesday. She'll be gone for three weeks. Don't try and set me up this Christmas Break. She certainly wouldn't appreciate it. She's told me numerous times that I can't have any other women whether she's in town or not.
Well, that's my girlfriend story. And my terms for being my friend while I'm dating her. Anyway, that's two new posts. Sorry if they suck, but that's what's been on my mind lately, so that's what you get to read about.
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